So Thanksgiving was this last week...... yeah. Haha. It wasn't actually that bad, as far as food goes. But I had a different kind of binge experience last week that got me thinking....
I had a self-binge day. Actually, it was a self-binge weekend. This is when I pretty much stuff myself with.... well, myself. You see, I am made of two people: flesh and Spirit. My flesh is hopelessly vain and selfish. It feeds off of attention... and makeup... and cute clothes.... and perfectly tousled hair. It feeds off of telling a good joke or making the witty remark that gets the smiles and the laughs. It feeds off of those passing looks of admiration from someone.... anyone. And I had a weekend like that. A weekend where I privately fed my vanity in my thoughts.... admiring myself in the mirror. Not that I consciously think I'm all that.... but I like the way I'm looking these days. And I thought about what others thought about me. What would make me the most pleasing to others? Feed feed feed. It's like stuffing my face with chocolate cake, except I'm stuffing my flesh. Then I had a party to go to. I got to dress up (this is a pretty big deal for a mom of four young children). The kids were entertained for the most part, so I got to do some entertaining myself. I got to make funny remarks, laugh and get attention. I got to smile and glance and flirt.... but not flirting with any one person. No. Flirting with the crowd.... being pleasing and appealing to anyone I could. Feed feed feed. Stuff stuff stuff.
And I felt sick afterward..... Spirit-sick. My flesh was this bloated, puffed up, sin-covered glutton... poisoning my Spirit with selfish, vain, disgusting pride and self-love.
The next day, I couldn't figure out why I felt so blah. I was unmotivated and irritable. I realized it in a quick instant: I was sick. It was very much like how I felt after a few days of eating sweets, fatty foods and unreasonable portions of food. I would feel icky.... in need of a detox. And, see, before I began eating healthy food, I didn't realize I felt icky all the time. Being tired, sluggish and half-nauseous all the time was normal, so I didn't notice it. But once you begin to lose weight and eat food your body was meant to process, when you inevitably binge on foods you don't normally eat, you realize "whoa! This is crappy! How did I eat/feel like this all the time???" This is the same for the heart. When we seek the things of God and chase after the Unseen, we stop feeding on the things that nourish our flesh. Our spirits grow strong and healthy. We are giving, patient, kind.... we feel whole and at peace and connected with Christ and His plan. But when we let ourselves pig out on the "flesh" food again..... we realize how sick our "selves" make us.
Switchfoot has a song with lyrics that I love:
"I am my own affliction. I am my own disease.
There ain't no drug that they could sell.
There ain't no drug to make me well.
There ain't no drug/ there ain't no drug/ there ain't no drug/
no drug to make me well. The sickness is myself."
So so true.
So after my realization that weekend, I began some self-denial. I stopped feeding the flesh. As vain, selfish thoughts tried to tempt my flesh, I spoke out the Truth I know to be true: this life is not about me.
There is NOTHING that occurs naturally in me that is good. Christ is my ONLY good. He makes me beautiful, because He is beautiful. The only attractiveness I desire is that others would be attracted to Him because of all of Him that they see in me.
My encouragement to you is to not just strive to fill your body with good things. Also, strive to fill your heart with good things. Stop eating the things that your flesh loves.... it's different for everyone.... and feed your spirit the things that it loves: the Word of God, conversation with Jesus, music, books that point your mind to things Unseen rather than the things of this world. Just as your body thrives in healthy fuel, so your heart will too. :)
Monday, November 28, 2011
Tuesday, November 22, 2011
A New Name
When I started this blog, I had a really hard time deciding on a name. I'm not really good at that sort of thing :/. But lately I've been thinking about this idea of "Stepping Heavenward." That's actually the name of a book. It's a book I read several years ago that I really loved. It's the journal of a girl, starting when she's 16, and it follows her through her life; marriage, children, relationships with God, until her death. It was amazing reading about all the things she said and did when she was young.... and all that she learned through many unexpected circumstances.
I feel like so much of my life has been one step at a time. It started at 19 when all I had planned and thought would happen changed abruptly. He brought me to a place of uncertainty.... where all I could see was the very next step. And now, almost 10 years later, I am still taking one step at a time. I'm still only seeing today. I'm understanding even more clearly the uncertainty of the next day... even of the next hour. And I'm learning how to love Him in the moment. I'm learning how to live in right now through thankfulness and grace.
This blog is still dedicated to my journey in health and weight loss.... but also to the spiritual lessons I'm learning through this aspect of my life. And, really, the spiritual lessons I'm learning through every aspect of my life. It's becoming clearer and clearer that everything I do and experience is designed on purpose to reveal Him to me.... and me to me.... and what He is doing in me... and what He wants me to do with all that He is showing me. I know there's a lot of "me" in there. But, truly..... it's Him. And I hope that's what I portray. Please, let only Christ be visible in me. Amen.
I feel like so much of my life has been one step at a time. It started at 19 when all I had planned and thought would happen changed abruptly. He brought me to a place of uncertainty.... where all I could see was the very next step. And now, almost 10 years later, I am still taking one step at a time. I'm still only seeing today. I'm understanding even more clearly the uncertainty of the next day... even of the next hour. And I'm learning how to love Him in the moment. I'm learning how to live in right now through thankfulness and grace.
This blog is still dedicated to my journey in health and weight loss.... but also to the spiritual lessons I'm learning through this aspect of my life. And, really, the spiritual lessons I'm learning through every aspect of my life. It's becoming clearer and clearer that everything I do and experience is designed on purpose to reveal Him to me.... and me to me.... and what He is doing in me... and what He wants me to do with all that He is showing me. I know there's a lot of "me" in there. But, truly..... it's Him. And I hope that's what I portray. Please, let only Christ be visible in me. Amen.
Sunday, August 7, 2011
Lydia's Birth Story
I did it for Abby so I figured I'd share Lydia's birth story in honor of her birthday.....
and her birth is my favorite to tell :).
So Lydia was nine days late! We were expecting her on, before or only shortly after July 29th. The morning I went into labor was August 7th. It was a beautiful morning, around 10:30 am. I was actually sitting at the table coloring with Abby and Daniel. I had had a wonderful night's sleep, a good breakfast and a relaxing day.... and it was Friday! As I sat there at the table, I begin to notice that I had had a few contractions in a row. So I thought... well, I'll go to the bathroom and see what's up. On the way to the bathroom I had a little harder contraction, so after I came out of the bathroom I thought I'd sit in the recliner for a while and time any regular contractions I was having. Well, it was only a couple of minutes later when GUSH! My water broke! Luckily, I had put some protection on while in the bathroom. :) My mom was with me so I told her what was happening and we called my midwife, Thalia, and Joseph and my mother-in-law, Mindy. I tried to stay put and time my contractions, but I couldn't! I kept getting up to help mom with stuff. I was getting things picked up and getting the bed ready, making sure my birth supplies were accessible.
After about ten or fifteen minutes I said to myself "ok. I better sit down and time these contractions.... I have no idea how far apart they are or how long they are." So I sat down and timed: contractions about 5min apart. Ok. Nice. So then Joseph gets there followed by my mother-in-law. Around 11:30-11:45 or so (two years later the timeline gets fuzzy :) ) the contractions are already getting harder. My midwife gets there at around noon or shortly after and checks me..... I'm a seven! So I decide to stay in bed. Only a few minutes later I'm surprised by the urge to push! So I start pushing.... and a few contractions (and big pushes) later we have a 10lb 5oz baby girl! The whole labor was a whopping 2 hours long!
I don't know why in particular, but I felt so great afterward. It seemed like with Abby and Daniel's births that I was so wiped out after them.... but this was different. I had so much energy! Of course, I couldn't do anything with it. haha. I had no tears at all this time so no stitches. It was all in all just an amazing experience. It was my first birth at home, and I would recommend it to anyone!
After Lydia I just felt so blessed. I had a short, comparatively easy, uncomplicated birth. And I had this big, fat sweetie! I also thought she was my last. So I really savored those first hours and days. :) Little did I know that Jesus had another plan.... a little Mary. But I'll save her story for later.
and her birth is my favorite to tell :).
So Lydia was nine days late! We were expecting her on, before or only shortly after July 29th. The morning I went into labor was August 7th. It was a beautiful morning, around 10:30 am. I was actually sitting at the table coloring with Abby and Daniel. I had had a wonderful night's sleep, a good breakfast and a relaxing day.... and it was Friday! As I sat there at the table, I begin to notice that I had had a few contractions in a row. So I thought... well, I'll go to the bathroom and see what's up. On the way to the bathroom I had a little harder contraction, so after I came out of the bathroom I thought I'd sit in the recliner for a while and time any regular contractions I was having. Well, it was only a couple of minutes later when GUSH! My water broke! Luckily, I had put some protection on while in the bathroom. :) My mom was with me so I told her what was happening and we called my midwife, Thalia, and Joseph and my mother-in-law, Mindy. I tried to stay put and time my contractions, but I couldn't! I kept getting up to help mom with stuff. I was getting things picked up and getting the bed ready, making sure my birth supplies were accessible.
After about ten or fifteen minutes I said to myself "ok. I better sit down and time these contractions.... I have no idea how far apart they are or how long they are." So I sat down and timed: contractions about 5min apart. Ok. Nice. So then Joseph gets there followed by my mother-in-law. Around 11:30-11:45 or so (two years later the timeline gets fuzzy :) ) the contractions are already getting harder. My midwife gets there at around noon or shortly after and checks me..... I'm a seven! So I decide to stay in bed. Only a few minutes later I'm surprised by the urge to push! So I start pushing.... and a few contractions (and big pushes) later we have a 10lb 5oz baby girl! The whole labor was a whopping 2 hours long!
I don't know why in particular, but I felt so great afterward. It seemed like with Abby and Daniel's births that I was so wiped out after them.... but this was different. I had so much energy! Of course, I couldn't do anything with it. haha. I had no tears at all this time so no stitches. It was all in all just an amazing experience. It was my first birth at home, and I would recommend it to anyone!
After Lydia I just felt so blessed. I had a short, comparatively easy, uncomplicated birth. And I had this big, fat sweetie! I also thought she was my last. So I really savored those first hours and days. :) Little did I know that Jesus had another plan.... a little Mary. But I'll save her story for later.
Happy Birthday to my sweet Lydia. I can't believe it's been two years! And she is such a joy! Praise Jesus for children and all the love and mess and stress and joy they bring into life!!!!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Brain Change
So I came here earlier this evening thinking to myself: I need to blog. ugh.
And I felt 0 motivation and inspiration. But after visiting the website for a restaurant we're eating at tomorrow night... I have become inspired.
Tomorrow night is our anniversary dinner. I have four siblings and all of our wedding anniversaries (including my parents') fall between May 18 and July 2, so we have one big dinner in June every year. Well, July this year :). Last year we went to Carino's and loved the atmosphere so we're going there again this year. This is only the second year (of the five we've had these dinners) that I have been eating conscientiously. The other four years I was either pregnant or just not with it. Mostly pregnant :).
Ok. So I've been doing really good this week.... working out a lot.... eating well. So I think to myself, I'm just gonna go to Carino's enjoy myself and not worry about the calories, etc. But I still decide to visit the website to see what they have.
So I'm perusing the options when I see on the left hand side of the page... about half way down... the nutrition link. I can't help it! I have to see!! And out the window goes my carefree attitude!
I'm seeing calorie counts upwards of 1,200 -1,500 calories! Some dishes having 60, 70, 90 grams of fat! Holy cow!!! Holy big fat giant cow! Which is what I'd be if I ate that stuff! Haha.
But what I loved about this experience is the realization that this weight loss has become more than dieting. Finally, I'm past "diet" stage and I'm living my life differently. My brain has completely changed. From not being able to resist seeing the nutrition to not being able to write off 1,000 calories in one dish! Once I saw how many calories and fat grams were in this food, I had no desire to eat it. It didn't even look good to me anymore. That's amazing! Really, this is a big step!
This is the big problem with our diet culture. It's a diet culture. haha. Seriously, though, we've become about the destination. And, really, in more ways that just with our diets. We are so focused on the outcome that we miss the journey. And almost always the journey counts for more than the destination. This is how yo-yo dieting happens. And this is how many of the diet businesses stay in business. And some of them even take advantage of that. This is why I love Weight Watchers. They consistently make corporate decisions based on what is best for their customers... not what's going to make them more money. Lately, the PointsPlus change was a big risk. Many members had to be won over to the idea. WW had to know that this would result in losing some customers. But they were more concerned with the overall health of those using the program than their comfort level.
And, unfortunately, many people who join Weight Watchers (and many other weight loss programs) quit because of the failure to make a healthy lifestyle change. It's hard! But it is so worth it. It's worth it when you can stop having all those ups and downs that make you feel like crap. When it's a life change, a brain change, you make better decisions more consistently. It's not that you never mess up. But it's that each slip up doesn't become the nails in your coffin. You're able to acknowledge the mistake and move on... knowing your mistakes don't define you. Weight no longer defines you.
So, if you're reading this and you're weight has gone up and down and up and down, and you feel like up may be the only way you'll ever go. Don't lose heart! Numbers whether they're on a scale or on a tag in your clothing don't have any bearing on who you are! You are victorious in whatever you set your mind to be. And you aren't doomed. You have in you what you need to succeed. And anything you lack, He gives over and above!
And I felt 0 motivation and inspiration. But after visiting the website for a restaurant we're eating at tomorrow night... I have become inspired.
Tomorrow night is our anniversary dinner. I have four siblings and all of our wedding anniversaries (including my parents') fall between May 18 and July 2, so we have one big dinner in June every year. Well, July this year :). Last year we went to Carino's and loved the atmosphere so we're going there again this year. This is only the second year (of the five we've had these dinners) that I have been eating conscientiously. The other four years I was either pregnant or just not with it. Mostly pregnant :).
Ok. So I've been doing really good this week.... working out a lot.... eating well. So I think to myself, I'm just gonna go to Carino's enjoy myself and not worry about the calories, etc. But I still decide to visit the website to see what they have.
So I'm perusing the options when I see on the left hand side of the page... about half way down... the nutrition link. I can't help it! I have to see!! And out the window goes my carefree attitude!
I'm seeing calorie counts upwards of 1,200 -1,500 calories! Some dishes having 60, 70, 90 grams of fat! Holy cow!!! Holy big fat giant cow! Which is what I'd be if I ate that stuff! Haha.
But what I loved about this experience is the realization that this weight loss has become more than dieting. Finally, I'm past "diet" stage and I'm living my life differently. My brain has completely changed. From not being able to resist seeing the nutrition to not being able to write off 1,000 calories in one dish! Once I saw how many calories and fat grams were in this food, I had no desire to eat it. It didn't even look good to me anymore. That's amazing! Really, this is a big step!
This is the big problem with our diet culture. It's a diet culture. haha. Seriously, though, we've become about the destination. And, really, in more ways that just with our diets. We are so focused on the outcome that we miss the journey. And almost always the journey counts for more than the destination. This is how yo-yo dieting happens. And this is how many of the diet businesses stay in business. And some of them even take advantage of that. This is why I love Weight Watchers. They consistently make corporate decisions based on what is best for their customers... not what's going to make them more money. Lately, the PointsPlus change was a big risk. Many members had to be won over to the idea. WW had to know that this would result in losing some customers. But they were more concerned with the overall health of those using the program than their comfort level.
And, unfortunately, many people who join Weight Watchers (and many other weight loss programs) quit because of the failure to make a healthy lifestyle change. It's hard! But it is so worth it. It's worth it when you can stop having all those ups and downs that make you feel like crap. When it's a life change, a brain change, you make better decisions more consistently. It's not that you never mess up. But it's that each slip up doesn't become the nails in your coffin. You're able to acknowledge the mistake and move on... knowing your mistakes don't define you. Weight no longer defines you.
So, if you're reading this and you're weight has gone up and down and up and down, and you feel like up may be the only way you'll ever go. Don't lose heart! Numbers whether they're on a scale or on a tag in your clothing don't have any bearing on who you are! You are victorious in whatever you set your mind to be. And you aren't doomed. You have in you what you need to succeed. And anything you lack, He gives over and above!
Sunday, May 15, 2011
My Weight Loss Journey
I'm writing this post for two reasons. One: To share why I am where I am and why I feel as I do about weight loss and Weight Watchers specifically. Two: Because I'm in a slight rut and recounting where I've come from is therapeutic for me :).
The beginnings of my weight loss journey can be summed up to one fateful day. I was 13, 5' 10" and 200lbs. Yes, I was quite a girl. On this day specifically, I was shopping with my mom at Marshall's, and I was struggling to find jeans that fit. I was on the larger side of size 16 and in those days (not THAT long ago... but long enough) there weren't as many 16 and ups. And plus size clothes were not nearly as cute as they are today. So shopping was hard. Then I saw her. There was a woman shopping a few feet away from me. She was probably in her early 20's with long brown hair and she was thin. She wasn't too thin.... but what I would have, at the time, deemed the "perfect" size. And I was overcome with envy and sadness. I left the store in tears.
That was the day I decided I needed to change. Thirteen is so young, you might say. And I was young... but I had the body of a woman... a woman on her way to being quite overweight. My weight loss attempts started with jogging. I worked my way up to 5 miles a day. I lost 20lbs and then my weight plateaued at around 180. At the time, my mom was doing a version of the "Atkins" diet. So I jumped on. I ate eggs, meat, cheese.... no bread, potatoes, etc. Ugh. The good news is that I lost 20 more pounds to finally end up at 160. The bad news is, there was no way to maintain that lifestyle. My jogging was cut down to 2.5 miles a day because of schedule changes, and there was no way to live the rest of my life eating only protein and vegetables. I remember thinking to myself "a diet where I can't eat apples and oranges because they contain carbs can't be good for you." I was right! I think true low-carb diets let you eat fruits, but the one I was on didn't. So I slowly scrapped that. Luckily, because of age and activity, I didn't balloon back to my starting weight in a month like so many who have started and stopped the low-carb diet. My weight slowly rose.... and by the time I was getting ready to get married, five years later, I was sitting right around 190lbs. But I was happy. I was happy with who I was, even if I was a little heavy. Then..... I had a baby.
After my first child was born, I lost all my baby weight and went back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 205lbs in just a few months. I was like "yeah! This breastfeeding thing is awesome!" But then my body and my baby got used to each other, and the weight began to climb not-so-slowly. By the time my baby was 8 months old, I was getting very near my highest pregnancy weight of 232lbs. Yikes! I knew that if I continued to go the direction I was, that I would end up in a place of hopelessness. I had tried for three or so months to lose the weight on my own, but I was realizing that my life was too hectic to keep up with it without help. Enter Weight Watchers.
My mom had been on and off of Weight Watchers for years. But she had been sticking with it for three or so years at this point and had great success. I knew the concept of WW was not rocket science. Lean meats, veggies, whole grains and fruit..... cut back on sugar and high fatty foods and you'll lose weight. Duh. But what WW provided that I didn't have at the time: accountability. I needed someone to answer to every week. And after the first meeting, I got it. The community is key. Going into that room with all of those women of all different ages and sizes..... but all on the same journey was absolute encouragement. Every week I would hear keys and tips... what worked for this person or didn't work for that person. I began to learn why I was eating as I was. And I lost weight! From February - May 2007, I lost 25lbs! Then I got pregnant again!
The rest of the story goes like this: started WW again after the birth of my second child and lost 25lbs again, getting down to 185. Then I got pregnant again. The third time I started back to WW, I lost 35lbs and was at 175. Then I got pregnant again. hehe. My fourth child was born at the end of January of this year. I started WW again at the end of Feb, and I've lost 7lbs so far.
I will be with WW for the rest of my life. I plan to get to my goal weight of 170lbs, get my maintenance and lifetime membership (at which point attending meetings and using resources is free as long as I'm within 2lbs of my goal weight!) Then I hope to get down to 160 so I have a nice 10lb cushion. :) I am happy with who I am right now. Losing weight for me now is part of being a healthy, whole person. I want to feel good, be healthy and in shape, and be a good role model for my daughters. I don't need to look a certain way now. I'm finally past that motivation. Now I'm motivated by quality of life and by the desire to be a disciplined person.
So here's to losing weight. To feel better, and to prove that we have the power to change anything about ourselves that we feel needs change!
The beginnings of my weight loss journey can be summed up to one fateful day. I was 13, 5' 10" and 200lbs. Yes, I was quite a girl. On this day specifically, I was shopping with my mom at Marshall's, and I was struggling to find jeans that fit. I was on the larger side of size 16 and in those days (not THAT long ago... but long enough) there weren't as many 16 and ups. And plus size clothes were not nearly as cute as they are today. So shopping was hard. Then I saw her. There was a woman shopping a few feet away from me. She was probably in her early 20's with long brown hair and she was thin. She wasn't too thin.... but what I would have, at the time, deemed the "perfect" size. And I was overcome with envy and sadness. I left the store in tears.
That was the day I decided I needed to change. Thirteen is so young, you might say. And I was young... but I had the body of a woman... a woman on her way to being quite overweight. My weight loss attempts started with jogging. I worked my way up to 5 miles a day. I lost 20lbs and then my weight plateaued at around 180. At the time, my mom was doing a version of the "Atkins" diet. So I jumped on. I ate eggs, meat, cheese.... no bread, potatoes, etc. Ugh. The good news is that I lost 20 more pounds to finally end up at 160. The bad news is, there was no way to maintain that lifestyle. My jogging was cut down to 2.5 miles a day because of schedule changes, and there was no way to live the rest of my life eating only protein and vegetables. I remember thinking to myself "a diet where I can't eat apples and oranges because they contain carbs can't be good for you." I was right! I think true low-carb diets let you eat fruits, but the one I was on didn't. So I slowly scrapped that. Luckily, because of age and activity, I didn't balloon back to my starting weight in a month like so many who have started and stopped the low-carb diet. My weight slowly rose.... and by the time I was getting ready to get married, five years later, I was sitting right around 190lbs. But I was happy. I was happy with who I was, even if I was a little heavy. Then..... I had a baby.
After my first child was born, I lost all my baby weight and went back to my pre-pregnancy weight of 205lbs in just a few months. I was like "yeah! This breastfeeding thing is awesome!" But then my body and my baby got used to each other, and the weight began to climb not-so-slowly. By the time my baby was 8 months old, I was getting very near my highest pregnancy weight of 232lbs. Yikes! I knew that if I continued to go the direction I was, that I would end up in a place of hopelessness. I had tried for three or so months to lose the weight on my own, but I was realizing that my life was too hectic to keep up with it without help. Enter Weight Watchers.
My mom had been on and off of Weight Watchers for years. But she had been sticking with it for three or so years at this point and had great success. I knew the concept of WW was not rocket science. Lean meats, veggies, whole grains and fruit..... cut back on sugar and high fatty foods and you'll lose weight. Duh. But what WW provided that I didn't have at the time: accountability. I needed someone to answer to every week. And after the first meeting, I got it. The community is key. Going into that room with all of those women of all different ages and sizes..... but all on the same journey was absolute encouragement. Every week I would hear keys and tips... what worked for this person or didn't work for that person. I began to learn why I was eating as I was. And I lost weight! From February - May 2007, I lost 25lbs! Then I got pregnant again!
The rest of the story goes like this: started WW again after the birth of my second child and lost 25lbs again, getting down to 185. Then I got pregnant again. The third time I started back to WW, I lost 35lbs and was at 175. Then I got pregnant again. hehe. My fourth child was born at the end of January of this year. I started WW again at the end of Feb, and I've lost 7lbs so far.
I will be with WW for the rest of my life. I plan to get to my goal weight of 170lbs, get my maintenance and lifetime membership (at which point attending meetings and using resources is free as long as I'm within 2lbs of my goal weight!) Then I hope to get down to 160 so I have a nice 10lb cushion. :) I am happy with who I am right now. Losing weight for me now is part of being a healthy, whole person. I want to feel good, be healthy and in shape, and be a good role model for my daughters. I don't need to look a certain way now. I'm finally past that motivation. Now I'm motivated by quality of life and by the desire to be a disciplined person.
So here's to losing weight. To feel better, and to prove that we have the power to change anything about ourselves that we feel needs change!
Wednesday, April 20, 2011
Abby's Birth Story
I figured that, since this is Abby's birthday, I would post her birth story. So here it is :)
Abby's due date was April 23rd, 2006. The sonogram had shown April 14th, and so, like most first-time moms, I fixated on the earlier one :). At 36 weeks I was dialated to a 2! I was soooo excited. Week 37.... week 38..... week 39.... all passed. Nothing. April 14th came and went. Nothing. That next week I went to the midwife, and I was dialated to almost 4 cm and was 90% effaced! That was a Tuesday. The week progressed on, and finally on Friday, April 21st, at 3pm my water broke. Of course, I didn't realize that's what had happened. I felt a little pop... but I was lying down resting and was so used to little aches and kicks that I didn't really notice it so much. At 3:15 I had a hard contraction and that got me thinking. I sat up and gush! So I waddled to the bathroom (not a far trek in our tiny apartment) and called Joseph and my midwife. The midwife told me to sit tight and wait until my contractions had been five minutes apart for one hour. Well, I didn't have another contraction for 45 minutes! But at 4pm, when the contractions did start, they started hot and heavy. From 4 to 5pm I had contractions 5 minutes apart. They weren't too painful but they were strong and getting stronger.
We arrived at the birth center at 5:30pm. The midwife checked me and I was already at a 6. So I parked it in a glider rocker and started rocking. The contractions were stronger and more painful. I focused on each one.... as one would start I would consciously relax every muscle in my body. It was like surrender. Every contraction I surrendered my body to the pain.... and I prayed. I know that sounds super-spiritual... but I didn't go into labor planning to pray during every contraction. It just sort of happened. I would pray softly "Your grace is sufficient for me. Your power is perfect in my weakness." I knew labor was a process that I could not control. So I gave control completely to Christ. I knew I was not capable of birthing a child in my own strength. So I embraced my weakness and leaned on Him. It was amazing.
So 8:15pm or so comes around and the midwife checks me again.... almost a 10! She asks if I feel like I need to push. I say that I don't think so. But this is my first time around, so I'm not sure I'd know what that feels like. She had me sit on the birthing ball.... then finally on the toilet. It was then that I felt it. For me, it was the same sensation as vomiting.... except no nausea and lower down. :) But it was that same involuntary spasm. And it felt good. I would have a contraction and that pushing urge.... as I pushed with it felt like a release. And the pain was gone as long as I was pushing. Now, I'm not gonna lie, pushing was hard work, but not painful. So I pushed for a while. The midwife was noticing that she could see the head, and I would make progress during a push. But when I stopped pushing, the head would retreat backward. So she had me squat. Yes, I was up on the bed squatting with my husband behind me holding me up and my mom and the midwife holding each arm. That's when the pushing got serious. As Abby came closer to crowning I could feel that ring of fire. And when she was finally born in one big push, it was intense, sharp pain for only a few seconds. Then she was here at 9:30pm.
No one really caught her. She pretty much landed on the bed. I layed back and they put her on my stomach. Her umbilical cord was kind of short, so I couldn't get her too close to my face. But, man, that was a crazy moment. You look down and there is this tiny, wet, wiggly creature laying on your stomach. And you absolutely adore it!
Once the placenta was born Joseph cut the cord. I nursed her a bit. They did all the measurements, etc. I had to have five stitches for a minor tear. Then Abby and I got to take an herb bath together. Joseph was in the bathroom with us. It was the sweetest moment.
Through this labor I learned a lot about trusting Jesus. I learned about letting go. I also learned about pain.... about what it means to suffer, to sacrifice and experience pain for the sake of someone else's life. I know now what the scripture means when it says that women will be saved through childbirth. It's not that our salvation comes through having children. But it's that He gives us a small glimpse of what He did for us in salvation. He suffered. He sacrificed his body to give us life. I feel like I have a small part of that in me now. And I praise Him for giving me a chance to be a part of the work He does.
Abby's due date was April 23rd, 2006. The sonogram had shown April 14th, and so, like most first-time moms, I fixated on the earlier one :). At 36 weeks I was dialated to a 2! I was soooo excited. Week 37.... week 38..... week 39.... all passed. Nothing. April 14th came and went. Nothing. That next week I went to the midwife, and I was dialated to almost 4 cm and was 90% effaced! That was a Tuesday. The week progressed on, and finally on Friday, April 21st, at 3pm my water broke. Of course, I didn't realize that's what had happened. I felt a little pop... but I was lying down resting and was so used to little aches and kicks that I didn't really notice it so much. At 3:15 I had a hard contraction and that got me thinking. I sat up and gush! So I waddled to the bathroom (not a far trek in our tiny apartment) and called Joseph and my midwife. The midwife told me to sit tight and wait until my contractions had been five minutes apart for one hour. Well, I didn't have another contraction for 45 minutes! But at 4pm, when the contractions did start, they started hot and heavy. From 4 to 5pm I had contractions 5 minutes apart. They weren't too painful but they were strong and getting stronger.
We arrived at the birth center at 5:30pm. The midwife checked me and I was already at a 6. So I parked it in a glider rocker and started rocking. The contractions were stronger and more painful. I focused on each one.... as one would start I would consciously relax every muscle in my body. It was like surrender. Every contraction I surrendered my body to the pain.... and I prayed. I know that sounds super-spiritual... but I didn't go into labor planning to pray during every contraction. It just sort of happened. I would pray softly "Your grace is sufficient for me. Your power is perfect in my weakness." I knew labor was a process that I could not control. So I gave control completely to Christ. I knew I was not capable of birthing a child in my own strength. So I embraced my weakness and leaned on Him. It was amazing.
So 8:15pm or so comes around and the midwife checks me again.... almost a 10! She asks if I feel like I need to push. I say that I don't think so. But this is my first time around, so I'm not sure I'd know what that feels like. She had me sit on the birthing ball.... then finally on the toilet. It was then that I felt it. For me, it was the same sensation as vomiting.... except no nausea and lower down. :) But it was that same involuntary spasm. And it felt good. I would have a contraction and that pushing urge.... as I pushed with it felt like a release. And the pain was gone as long as I was pushing. Now, I'm not gonna lie, pushing was hard work, but not painful. So I pushed for a while. The midwife was noticing that she could see the head, and I would make progress during a push. But when I stopped pushing, the head would retreat backward. So she had me squat. Yes, I was up on the bed squatting with my husband behind me holding me up and my mom and the midwife holding each arm. That's when the pushing got serious. As Abby came closer to crowning I could feel that ring of fire. And when she was finally born in one big push, it was intense, sharp pain for only a few seconds. Then she was here at 9:30pm.
No one really caught her. She pretty much landed on the bed. I layed back and they put her on my stomach. Her umbilical cord was kind of short, so I couldn't get her too close to my face. But, man, that was a crazy moment. You look down and there is this tiny, wet, wiggly creature laying on your stomach. And you absolutely adore it!
Once the placenta was born Joseph cut the cord. I nursed her a bit. They did all the measurements, etc. I had to have five stitches for a minor tear. Then Abby and I got to take an herb bath together. Joseph was in the bathroom with us. It was the sweetest moment.
Through this labor I learned a lot about trusting Jesus. I learned about letting go. I also learned about pain.... about what it means to suffer, to sacrifice and experience pain for the sake of someone else's life. I know now what the scripture means when it says that women will be saved through childbirth. It's not that our salvation comes through having children. But it's that He gives us a small glimpse of what He did for us in salvation. He suffered. He sacrificed his body to give us life. I feel like I have a small part of that in me now. And I praise Him for giving me a chance to be a part of the work He does.
Tuesday, March 29, 2011
Coughs, Colds, Sinus Infections, oh my!
Yeah. That title pretty much sums up the past two weeks. haha.
To say the past few weeks have been challenging would be an understatement. They've been next to impossible. But the Holy Spirit is faithful to give us power beyond our natural ability.... and that's the only reason I survived with any semblance of sanity. ha! Three weeks ago my husband had his second vasectomy. (I'll tell you that story later) In the middle of taking care of all four kids and one husband, we all start to cough. Cough turns to fever and congestion..... everyone else progressively gets better: I get a sinus infection. Boo. But, praise God, we're all finally healthy. Even little Mary had a cough and is now pretty much over it.
The past three weigh in's produced losses of 2.6 and 2.2.... then a gain of 1lb this last week. I wasn't surprised at the gain.... there was lots of access to delicious baked goods that week. mmmm.
So I have a new bread fact, thanks to my friend Brandy. Nature's Own makes a 40cal bread that is 2 points for 2 slices. All other breads I've seen are 3 points for 2 slices. Granted, this bread is pretty airy. But it works for sandwiches and makes decent toast. :)
So my victory over the past couple of weeks has come in eating out, of all the unlikely places. I have successfully gone to restaurants and been able to prepare ahead of time. I went to the websites, checked the nutrition of the food and made a plan for exactly what I would eat and how many points it would be. And, wonder of wonders, I've stuck to the plan I made! It was great. My failures... or "feedback" opportunities (our meeting this week was about how we don't have failures... we have feedback :) ) this week were definitely controlling those urges when something unexpected ended up in my kitchen..... like brownies my husband brought home from work. I tried to stay out of them. Brownies are the one dessert I can't stop myself with just a little. mmm.
Anyway. The lesson from this week: prepare for the unexpected. I have to be resolved and ready for something unexpected to come into my sight. For example, I could have had some Weight Watcher cookies in the cabinet. Then when the brownies were here, I could have eaten a cookie. It would be less points, and it would satisfy that craving. Something to remember.
Tonight we're going to Chick-fil-a. It's kid's eat free night! I have already been to the website: The Chargrilled Southwest Chicken Salad is 6 points. I'm gonna eat it with their honey mustard dressing (1 pt) and some buffalo sauce (0pts). The challenge of the night: not eating the kids' leftovers. I might need to go back to the website and work out the points for chicken nuggets and waffle fries just so I know what I'm dealing with. :)
To say the past few weeks have been challenging would be an understatement. They've been next to impossible. But the Holy Spirit is faithful to give us power beyond our natural ability.... and that's the only reason I survived with any semblance of sanity. ha! Three weeks ago my husband had his second vasectomy. (I'll tell you that story later) In the middle of taking care of all four kids and one husband, we all start to cough. Cough turns to fever and congestion..... everyone else progressively gets better: I get a sinus infection. Boo. But, praise God, we're all finally healthy. Even little Mary had a cough and is now pretty much over it.
The past three weigh in's produced losses of 2.6 and 2.2.... then a gain of 1lb this last week. I wasn't surprised at the gain.... there was lots of access to delicious baked goods that week. mmmm.
So I have a new bread fact, thanks to my friend Brandy. Nature's Own makes a 40cal bread that is 2 points for 2 slices. All other breads I've seen are 3 points for 2 slices. Granted, this bread is pretty airy. But it works for sandwiches and makes decent toast. :)
So my victory over the past couple of weeks has come in eating out, of all the unlikely places. I have successfully gone to restaurants and been able to prepare ahead of time. I went to the websites, checked the nutrition of the food and made a plan for exactly what I would eat and how many points it would be. And, wonder of wonders, I've stuck to the plan I made! It was great. My failures... or "feedback" opportunities (our meeting this week was about how we don't have failures... we have feedback :) ) this week were definitely controlling those urges when something unexpected ended up in my kitchen..... like brownies my husband brought home from work. I tried to stay out of them. Brownies are the one dessert I can't stop myself with just a little. mmm.
Anyway. The lesson from this week: prepare for the unexpected. I have to be resolved and ready for something unexpected to come into my sight. For example, I could have had some Weight Watcher cookies in the cabinet. Then when the brownies were here, I could have eaten a cookie. It would be less points, and it would satisfy that craving. Something to remember.
Tonight we're going to Chick-fil-a. It's kid's eat free night! I have already been to the website: The Chargrilled Southwest Chicken Salad is 6 points. I'm gonna eat it with their honey mustard dressing (1 pt) and some buffalo sauce (0pts). The challenge of the night: not eating the kids' leftovers. I might need to go back to the website and work out the points for chicken nuggets and waffle fries just so I know what I'm dealing with. :)
Tuesday, March 8, 2011
Week One!
Well, week one wasn't as amazing as I'd hoped. I'm doing the Weight Watchers for nursing moms and they suggest I eat 48 points a day. HOLY COW! That's a lot of points. So, in an effort to not end up gaining 10lbs my first week... I started at 40 points instead of 48. The results: I gained 0.6lbs. ugh. So I've bumped it down to 38 points. We'll see how that goes.
Struggles for the week: Girl Scout cookes! Can I hear an "Amen?" Those things nearly killed me this weekend. And staying at my parents' for the weekend got me, too. Why is it always harder to eat healthy when you're at your parents'? My mom is even on Weight Watchers, too. But we had a birthday party for my brother. Spaghetti, garlic bread (that's the problem right there) and a yummy pumpkin cake. Whew. So I ate too much. But I've been doing ok since then. Every day is a new day, right?
Fun Points Plus fact for today: There is some bread that's still 1 point per slice. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat bread is one point per slice. But all bread (that I've found so far) is 3 points for two slices. So there you go. Also, check those sandwich rounds that are so popular right now.... many of them are still 3 points for the two pieces.
Here's what I've found out about bread (and really, anything else): if you want to figure the points really quickly without getting out the calculator, there are a few quick tricks. 1) 11 Carbohydrates is the 1 point cut off. The only way for something with more than 11 Carbs to be less than 2 points is for it to have 3 or more grams of Fiber. 2)Fat doesn't make as big a difference in points as Protein does. The more protein... the more points. BUT remember that protein is good! It's better to use points on protein than anything else. The big place protein gets you is in some of the breads. They may be good on carbs and fiber.... but the protein may take it up to more points that you'd like to use on bread.
Ok. So the goal for this week: lose 2 lbs. I figure this is a good goal because my weight loss timeline is 1 pound per week. So losing 2 lbs this week will put me at 2 lbs in 2 weeks :).
Also, drink more water!
Week two.... here we go!
Struggles for the week: Girl Scout cookes! Can I hear an "Amen?" Those things nearly killed me this weekend. And staying at my parents' for the weekend got me, too. Why is it always harder to eat healthy when you're at your parents'? My mom is even on Weight Watchers, too. But we had a birthday party for my brother. Spaghetti, garlic bread (that's the problem right there) and a yummy pumpkin cake. Whew. So I ate too much. But I've been doing ok since then. Every day is a new day, right?
Fun Points Plus fact for today: There is some bread that's still 1 point per slice. Nature's Own 100% Whole Wheat bread is one point per slice. But all bread (that I've found so far) is 3 points for two slices. So there you go. Also, check those sandwich rounds that are so popular right now.... many of them are still 3 points for the two pieces.
Here's what I've found out about bread (and really, anything else): if you want to figure the points really quickly without getting out the calculator, there are a few quick tricks. 1) 11 Carbohydrates is the 1 point cut off. The only way for something with more than 11 Carbs to be less than 2 points is for it to have 3 or more grams of Fiber. 2)Fat doesn't make as big a difference in points as Protein does. The more protein... the more points. BUT remember that protein is good! It's better to use points on protein than anything else. The big place protein gets you is in some of the breads. They may be good on carbs and fiber.... but the protein may take it up to more points that you'd like to use on bread.
Ok. So the goal for this week: lose 2 lbs. I figure this is a good goal because my weight loss timeline is 1 pound per week. So losing 2 lbs this week will put me at 2 lbs in 2 weeks :).
Also, drink more water!
Week two.... here we go!
Sunday, February 27, 2011
"The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking..."
"For the kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit.." Romans 14:17
This verse is on my fridge. :) I first found it and really loved the reminder of seeking the "righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit," but I thought it was funny considering the life changes we've made over these past years..... eating healthy, exercise, etc.
The truth is, I need this reminder. Because weight loss/maintenance and getting in shape is kind of a selfish process and, for me, can become a very self-focused process. I could say that I'm getting in shape so I can play better with my kids or be more alluring to my husband. But, honestly, there's a bigger part of me (one that I have to continually deprive of attention) that checks out other women at the grocery store and compares myself. I'm thinking that I want my butt to look like that or I want my waist that small... things like that. And I seek the world's approval of my appearance. And so it's a balance for me to be disciplined in my exercise and diligent in my diet (when I use the word "diet" I mean eating habits.... not a diet you go on for a time) and for me to be focused on the kingdom of God... to be seeing beyond the physical to the eternal. How would my view of the women at the store be different if I were to be acting and thinking beyond what I see in front of me.... and thinking instead about what Christ might be doing in their lives.
Vanity is a big struggle of mine and I know from past experience that when I start getting thin and looking good, I have a tendency to become pretty pleased with myself.... a little too pleased. It was really evident when I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with my fourth child. I thought we were done having kids. I was feeling really, really good about my body. Then to find out that I would do pregnancy all over again. I was the thinnest I had been since my senior year of high school..... and I was looking at another 30+ lb weight gain of pregnancy. And I would have to lose it all over again. Jesus begin to teach me about Who my body really belonged to. I clearly remember feeling Him say "Did you think that even your body was yours? That you have the absolute say on what happens to it?" And I began to submit. I'm afraid now that, through this process of becoming healthier, I will revert back to treating this body Christ gave me as my own instead of His. I don't want to become proud of my body in a way that will cause my vain heart to stumble. So....... "The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." I want to be healthy. I want to eat things and do activities that benefit the health of my body.... but I want to place my focus on righteousness, on peace and on joy. Having peace and joy no matter what I ate that day or whether I got to workout; peace and joy no matter which jeans I fit in that day or what I saw in the mirror or on the scale.
This verse is on my fridge. :) I first found it and really loved the reminder of seeking the "righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit," but I thought it was funny considering the life changes we've made over these past years..... eating healthy, exercise, etc.
The truth is, I need this reminder. Because weight loss/maintenance and getting in shape is kind of a selfish process and, for me, can become a very self-focused process. I could say that I'm getting in shape so I can play better with my kids or be more alluring to my husband. But, honestly, there's a bigger part of me (one that I have to continually deprive of attention) that checks out other women at the grocery store and compares myself. I'm thinking that I want my butt to look like that or I want my waist that small... things like that. And I seek the world's approval of my appearance. And so it's a balance for me to be disciplined in my exercise and diligent in my diet (when I use the word "diet" I mean eating habits.... not a diet you go on for a time) and for me to be focused on the kingdom of God... to be seeing beyond the physical to the eternal. How would my view of the women at the store be different if I were to be acting and thinking beyond what I see in front of me.... and thinking instead about what Christ might be doing in their lives.
Vanity is a big struggle of mine and I know from past experience that when I start getting thin and looking good, I have a tendency to become pretty pleased with myself.... a little too pleased. It was really evident when I found out I was unexpectedly pregnant with my fourth child. I thought we were done having kids. I was feeling really, really good about my body. Then to find out that I would do pregnancy all over again. I was the thinnest I had been since my senior year of high school..... and I was looking at another 30+ lb weight gain of pregnancy. And I would have to lose it all over again. Jesus begin to teach me about Who my body really belonged to. I clearly remember feeling Him say "Did you think that even your body was yours? That you have the absolute say on what happens to it?" And I began to submit. I'm afraid now that, through this process of becoming healthier, I will revert back to treating this body Christ gave me as my own instead of His. I don't want to become proud of my body in a way that will cause my vain heart to stumble. So....... "The kingdom of God is not a matter of eating and drinking but of righteousness, peace and joy in the Holy Spirit." I want to be healthy. I want to eat things and do activities that benefit the health of my body.... but I want to place my focus on righteousness, on peace and on joy. Having peace and joy no matter what I ate that day or whether I got to workout; peace and joy no matter which jeans I fit in that day or what I saw in the mirror or on the scale.
Why Fruity???
I've been wanting to start up another blog for a while. I don't really know why. Maybe it's my uncontrollable need to constantly express myself. haha. At any rate, here I am.... blogging again. I have recently birthed my fourth child (I know) and have started Weight Watchers for the fourth time. I have quit and restarted these past three times because I seem to keep getting pregnant. I even used to joke that Weight Watchers causes pregnancy. (Don't worry, I am pretty sure there's no scientific proof of that..... yet. haha.) Anyway, Weight Watchers has recently started a new program called Points Plus. With several friends either starting Weight Watchers for the first time or just learning the new system, I thought it might be fun to blog about Weight Watchers!
That's only half the reason I chose the name "fruity" for my blog. I'm also a mom who's desperately seeking Christ. I want the Holy Spirit taking over every single part of my life, and the Bible is pretty clear that there is certain fruit of a life lived in the Spirit. Those are love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness and self control. This is the journey I'm on.... I want to be full of supernatural love and patience and self control. I want my husband, children, friends and anyone I come in contact with to see an attitude that doesn't make any earthly sense. And I want Christ to be seen in my life and actions.... and I want my life to point directly to Him and only Him. So anyway. I'm not sure who'll read this. But I hope that it's encouraging. :)
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