Mary Ella's Birth Story

*sigh* My youngest love turns one today. My hands can't touch her soft skin enough, my lips can't kiss those fat cheeks enough, my ears can't get enough of her laugh. I cannot believe it's already been one year, and the years to come loom over me..... for I know, maybe more than most also in my time of life, how quickly this goes. Ok. Now I get to relive with you, dear blog (and friends) the day my Mary was born!

First of all, you should know, if you didn't already, that Mary was quite unexpected. My husband had had a vasectomy in Dec of 2009. We were done! No more babies (although, secretly inside, I wanted another). Five and a half months went by, and I became accustomed to the idea of only three and was very content. Then..... nausea..... a familiar nausea..... and a positive home test. Baby number four was on the way! That first day was hard, primarily because I felt like a failure (for some insane reason) to my husband who had this painful procedure for "nothing." And then I felt a tinge of selfish frustration about my body.... but Jesus reminded me, as He has before but never so clearly, that my body is not my own I was "bought with a price." But it didn't take long (one encounter with a sweet newborn girl at church that next Sunday) for me to be ecstatic about my chance to have one more beautiful baby! And I never could have guessed how beautiful she'd be.....

So Mary was due Jan 31st. We had hoped for the 28th, because all my others were born on days that were multiples of 7 (Aug 7th, Jan 14th, April 21st)... but the 28th came and past without a baby. However, at 2am on the 29th, I woke up with an intense contraction (VERY reminiscent of Daniel's labor). Went to the bathroom and noticed what seemed to be my water "trickling." I was pretty paranoid about labor starting because my previous labors had each been two hours shorter than the last (6hrs, 4hrs, and the last was 2 hrs!) and I had no idea how quickly this baby would come. So I waited just a bit... tried not to freak out.... drank some water... when I had another contraction, there was no doubt: my water had broken and was trickling.... I was in labor! So I wake Joseph and call my midwife. I thought to myself, as she answered the phone, "she seems really awake for 2:30am!" Well, that's because she was in Nacadoches at another birth! The baby had been delivered there but they needed to stick around just a little longer before they headed our way. Just in case you're wondering, Nacadoches is about an hour and a half from our house. So... needless to say, I was trying to take it easy. All that happened after that was a perfect example of Jesus' complete control over my body! It was amazing....

With my other three labors, once contractions started, there was no stopping them. I could sit, stand, walk, whatever and those babys didn't stop! But this time it was different. When I was sitting down, I had no real contractions. If I got up to go to the bathroom or whatever, they would come on strong. But while I sat in the chair, I would have a light contraction about every 15 minutes. My mom, dad, mother-in-law and sister-in-law were all there. So we chatted and waited. At about 3:00am, the midwife had called and let me know that they had left the other family and were headed our way. So we waited. At around 4am, I decide to get up and start walking around so that we could be progressing when the midwife showed up. And, of course, as I walked around the contractions came. So my midwife, Thalia, and her assistant, Jeri, showed up around 4:30 or so, checked me, I was a 6 1/2 (I think... the details get a little jumbled :) ). So I walked around a little more. Finally, the contractions were getting long and intense, characteristic of those transition contractions. I layed down and began to prepare myself mentally to push. It was about 6am when I started pushing. In 30 minutes I had 3 contractions, each 8-9 minutes apart! I was so confused.... in the past, my contractions during pushing were much closer together. After the first two, I just felt like I wasn't getting enough time to push before the contraction went away. So I just closed my eyes and prayed, "Jesus, You have been in control from step one, day one....  not just of this pregnancy and labor, but from the day of  my own birth. You make this happen." So I just relaxed and breathed. That last contraction came and she was born! 6:30am, 9lbs 6oz, 21 1/2in. The most amazing part was when they lifted her up and faced her toward me, she lifted her head and her eyes met mine. I know she couldn't really see..... but I felt like she could... and I will never forget that moment.

I don't know why Jesus has done these things for me. I do not deserve even an ounce of the sweetness and joy He's brought me through all of my children. I will be grateful for the rest of my life, no matter what this life brings, for the experiences I have had so far.... and I wait in glad expectation for the things to come. I say this knowing, particularly right now, that the days ahead could be difficult beyond my current ability to understand. But, still, I know He is good and I know His purposes are good and far beyond my knowledge. So Praise You, Lord, for today, tomorrow and, even more, the Eternity I look toward..... the conclusion of my love story with You. Amen.

Seize the Day?

So this morning I read an article that talked about how frustrating it can be to be constantly told by older women to "make the most of your time with your kids..... because it goes by so fast." Here's an excerpt:

"Everywhere I go, someone is telling me to seize the moment, raise my awareness, be happy, enjoy everysecond, etc, etc, etc.

I know that this message is right and good. But, I have finally allowed myself to admit that it just doesn't work for me. It bugs me. This CARPE DIEM message makes me paranoid and panicky. Especially during this phase of my life - while I'm raising young kids. Being told, in a million different ways to CARPE DIEM makes me worry that if I'm not in a constant state of intense gratitude and ecstasy, I'm doing something wrong." You can find this article here.

This article made me kind of sad. I mean, I get what she's saying..... it's hard to enjoy kiddos when they're driving you mad (which seems to be all the time these days. haha!) But what makes me sad is the lack of Christ. I mean... she may not even be a follower of Christ... but the thing that makes me able to enjoy (almost) every moment... or at least strive to enjoy it..... is that it's not about the kids. This whole thing isn't about parenting....it's about Him. The more I realize that He is interested in every second of my day.... that He loves detail and He wants me to see Him in every detail..... that makes living in the moment (even in the unpleasant ones) a little better... not necessarily easier.... but just better.

One of our big problems is that we are a goal-oriented, results-driven society. And our churches and Christian homes are no exception. We want results we can see. At church it's "how may people came to Sunday School?" or "How many people do you have regularly attending?" And if you don't reach some magic number decided by who knows who, you MUST be doing something wrong. And in our families it's even harder..... because we can judge results right away. I mean... we might be able to get our 2-year-old to eat her broccoli (which is a small victory in it's own way) but we can't ensure at 3 that they're gonna be "good people" (whatever that means) at 21. And so we read books and we try this method and that method..... and at the end of the day we still fear it wasn't enough. What we have to come back to is this Truth: God   is   in   control. Read it again.... over and over. The amazing thing is.... as followers of Christ we have access to Him! We can talk to Him... hear His heart.... know His will. He who knows the Beginning, Middle and End is available to us in the most intimate of relationships (if we're willing to lay ourselves down.)  We have to realize that, as we parent our children, we can seek Him for every thing. When we're already late and the keys are nowhere to be found and the boys are fighting over a car and they fall over the baby and the oldest is complaining about something.....  those are not Godless moments.... He is in the middle. He is calling out. I just have to tap in.... I have to stop looking for the keys, pick up the baby, walk into the other room away from the fighting and complaining and pray "Lord, there is nothing of eternal consequence here.... except for my children." If I don't find  my keys and I don't get to the store or whatever appointment I had, so what. I'm sure we can find something for dinner.... and whoever was depending on  me isn't going to hate me. I can praise Him.... I can be at peace..... I can create peace for my kids (Can you tell I'm writing to myself? Hehe). I'm not perfect at this..... not by a long shot.... but I'm striving every day..... I do want to trust Him..... be free of expectations and just obey Him and only Him.

I feel as if I have already seen a generation of kids grow up. The youngest of my sister's kids will be 17 in a few days. I babysat him when he was 3 months old! I held those babies and rocked them and layed down to nap with them and changed their diapers and made them lunch and dealt with all the insanity of young children (9-5 every weekday one summer!). And so now.... they're grown.... and I have my own babies. And I just want to pause every second. Even the crazy seconds..... and remembering in those crazy seconds that my nieces are of child-bearing age makes me stop and say "this craziness is brought to you by Jesus..... the Author and Perfecter of your faith.... And this is the process of perfecting that faith." I love that song by Francesca Battistelli where she says "This is the stuff/ that drives me crazy/ It may not be what I would choose/ But this is the stuff You use." It sounds simple and almost cliche...... but when you sit down and think about it.... it's profound. He is using every single part of my day to teach me and love me and show me more. Or He's using me for something He's doing... maybe it's not about me (gasp!!!). :)

In the end, I love Jesus and He loves me. He loves my children and He's a better parent than I will ever be. And I can pray, I can trust Him. And when I screw up, He provides grace..... overabundant grace! So, if you're a Mommy of little ones.... or even big ones.... or middle ones..... you are under His love and grace. Take a deep breath and truly seize the moment..... not the moment of parenting..... the moment of Christ. Don't seize the day.....seize the Lord! Grab on and don't let go!

Daniel's Birth Story

Happy Birthday to my second born: Joseph Daniel Osteen II. This child has been a source of so much growth and has been such a challenge.... in so many ways. Here's the story of his birth:

Daniel was the hardest one to wait for. I had been anxious for Abby when she was in her last weeks in-utero, but not like it was with Daniel. This is mostly because (I would find out afterward) he was almost 1 1/2lbs heavier than Abby and an inch and a quarter longer. In those last weeks, he had "dropped," but he still kicked my ribs and sternum. And I ached all the time. My hips hurt, my back hurt.... getting up in the morning was the worst! And he was late. Ugh. My due date for him was January 4th, which I knew to be a little too early. So when the 4th came and went, I was not concerned..... a little disappointed (I was sooooooo ready!) but not concerned. So the 6th came... and went... and the 9th came.... and went.... and the 12th came...... and went. By now he was over a week late! Talk about ready to have a baby.... if induction had been an option, it probably wouldn't have taken too much convincing!

I went to bed at 1am on Monday, January 14th (the first day of classes at UT for the spring semester AND the day of our first noon lunch of the semester!) but woke up only an hour later with a hard contraction. So I think "time to go to the bathroom." To the bathroom I go... then about 7 or 8 minutes later.... another hard contraction. Now, at 2 am, no one thinks very clearly, and even though I had been through labor once before, I still was not sure this was it. With Abby there had been no guess work: my water broke and I was in labor! But  I was not ready for the "is this really it" mental debate. So for an hour I walked around, drank water and waited to see if the contractions stopped. They did not. So I woke up Joseph. Then we debated as to whether we should call the midwife... I mean, it was 3am. I wanted to make sure we were really ready. So an hour later, we call our midwife and Joseph's mom. Abby was 21 months old and sleeping sweetly in her room, so my mother in law was on call for staying with her when we went into labor. We also called my mom so she could come in to be with me. The midwife informed us that it would take her an hour to get into Tyler to the birth center and get things set up... but if things got urgent, to call. So we waited another hour. By now, the contractions were 3-5 minutes apart. I wasn't hungry, but knowing I'd need some energy, I ate some eggs and toast between contractions.

Finally, at a little after 5am, my mother in law got to our apartment, and we headed to the birth center, only five or so minutes away. On the way there I began to feel like I needed to push! I thought "maybe I'm just remembering the sensation of pushing and not really NEEDING to push." Hah! So I breathe through those contractions, and we get to the birth center. Just walking in and going up the stairs, I have to stop two or three times for contractions. Those babys were getting intense. When we get to the birth room I tell my midwife that I've sort of felt like I needed to push. But we're only a little less than 4 hrs into this, so she smiles sweetly, not quite believing me, and says "Let's check and see how things are going." Lo and behold, we're at a 10..... ready to go! And my mom's not there yet, the birth assistant isn't there yet.... my sister (who was supposed to come and provide any physical support needed) wasn't there. It was just me, my husband and the midwife in the early morning... so quiet and peaceful. I pushed once or twice.... then toward the end of the second push my water broke. Just after that my mom walked in, and just in time because with that next push he'd be born! Slowly, softly with little to no pain (on crowning.... the contractions were definitely painful). His head, then his shoulders. It was 5:56am. I remember not being able to believe how big he was. Sooooo fat! They placed him on my chest. I'm not gonna lie, he was not a cute baby in those first hours. haha. His face was a little swollen from birth... he was not as pretty as Abby had been. But I was still smitten. And I became more so every day.

It's funny to think back on his birth now. It was so sweet and quiet. And, if you know my son now.... those words aren't his best descriptors. He is sweet, for sure.... but quiet..... not so much. Haha. He's a normal boy. But every day he tells me he loves me..... every day he kisses my face.... without any solicitation. Sometimes he drives absolutely insane! But he is the most lovely little boy I know..... and I am grateful every single day that Jesus gave me charge over this Daniel. And I pray every day that I can be the mother... and woman.... he needs in his life to help him become the man he'll be one day. More than all of that, I pray for continued grace from Christ to cover where I lack and grow up this man to be madly in love with Him and do mighty things! Amen!